Archive for the ‘cold facts’ Tag

Hot Cars Cold Facts Starring Johnny 5

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012



If anyone ever tells you there is no second sequel to Short Circuit, tell them they’re an idiot from me. Because there is, it’s called Hot Cars Cold Facts, and it’s an informational film about nothing. This short film contains the least information of all films about information, it contains so little useful facts, it made me forget some other useful stuff I used to know.

This movie stars the husk of Johnny 5 (voiced and controlled by other people) who, for some reason, owns a truck, even though he basically is one. And it’s gets stolen because, according to Officer Dave, people don’t break into houses anymore, they steal cars (even mid range ones) which they use in crime sprees,  Officer Dave is the most patient man allowed to carry a firearm ever, he puts up with all of Johnny’s stupid impressions, and his childish attitude. Your truck just got stolen, Johnny, shut up and take this seriously!

Johnny 5 wanders endless empty hallways in the 90s

Officer Dave resisting the urge to shoot Johnny 5

Also Lisa’s new car is stolen too (Lady who lives on the same street as Johnny) Maybe Johnny should move.

Johnny 5 effortlessly reminding us all that robots are soulless.

After learning all about criminals, Johnny and Lisa decide to hit the streets and go find their cars. Lisa explains how easy it is to have your car stolen, and also how easy it is for you to sell a car you’ve stolen, (she even explains it step-by-step, if you’re interested) This film is actually pretty useful, but only to criminals.

They go to lunch and there’s some bizarre skit about Johnny 5 drinking oil or something, I didn’t get it

Waitress not mentioning that Johnny 5 is a robot.

Lisa then explains how easy it is to break into a car, whether you want to use filed down keys, slim jims (?) or just smash the window and hot wire it.

Getting struck by lightning may have had more of an effect on Johnny’s circuits than originally thought, a lot of what he says doesn’t mean anything. He just spouts meaningless crud.

Well, before long, Johnny 5′s truck shows up, disassembled of course. Lisa’s still hasn’t shown up. He decides to invest in some security for his vehicle.

Living in a crime ridden war zone, it’s not long before someone else tries to steal his truck, This scene is basically a rip-off of the scene in the second film when the guys try to break into the factory. Well, some metal hands come out from under the car and the police show up and the punk gets arrested.

Basically don’t have a car is the only way to not have your car stolen. According to Lisa, everyone you’ve ever met wants to steal your car.

The end credits to this short film are disconcertingly long, It can’t have taken that many people to make it. But well I guess it did.

Johnny 5 isn’t voiced by original voice, Tim Blaney, he’s voiced by Russell Turner, who, to be fair doesn’t do a terrible job, he’s not perfect, but you kind of forget it’s not what Johnny sounds like after a while.

Johnny 5 being not gold.

Johnny is suspiciously not plated in gold anymore, which is lucky because the street punks would probably have stolen him if he was, but I guess they didn’t bother, classic metal Number 5 is only worth 11 million dollars after all.

One of the problems I have with this film is that Johnny 5 seems to have forgotten that he himself is an arch criminal, boasting a fair few criminal convictions relating to vehicles, He steals a Nova truck in the first film, crashes Stephanie’s van, destroys her boyfriend’s car, steals a bunch of radios in the second film and uses that little antenna things to mess with Oscar’s car. Frankly, he was a menace.

Well, I don’t know how to complain about the acting of a machine, but it was crap. I find myself wondering who the target audience was for this short film, children who own cars I suppose. There is no information in it, that a baby couldn’t figure out by itself, ‘Don’t give your house keys to strangers’ Lisa tells Johnny at one point. Ok, Lisa.

I recommend this film to criminals in need of pointers.

I give this film Johnny 5 out of 5